I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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