Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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