I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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