No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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