well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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