My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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