We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize