my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
