I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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