I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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