areolas are like halos for boobs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
