All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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