I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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