If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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