not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
