Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
