What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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