His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
