he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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