watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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