I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do