when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm like the big dick whisperer.