after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!