meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.