Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this boner is exhausting
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm just crazy horny about you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?