then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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