Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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