I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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