i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.