no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again