I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize