Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
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With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input