There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go