My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So vagazzling was a success
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked