I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
