I cannot find my penis.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.