On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice