The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low