therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.