We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...