Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.