I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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