The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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