i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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