You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
