if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
