I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize