Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
kristin has been a bad kristin
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
