I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.