..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?