i don't like sucking hair
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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