8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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