oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
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Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize