Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize