Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
