It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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