I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
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so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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