A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
