I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
