So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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