I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
