this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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