Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
