Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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