I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel