Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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